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Friday, March 28th, 2014

Time:6:49 pm.
Mood: sad.
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Comments: Create your own destiny....

Sunday, March 23rd, 2014

Subject:Confessions 1
Time:6:14 pm.
Mood: depressed.
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Comments: Create your own destiny....

Saturday, June 6th, 2009

Time:11:25 pm.
Mood: contemplative.
The dominos seem to be falling perfectly in my direction. At least for now.

Amy's parents finally know that we're moving in together. They didn't freak out like we were afraid they would but their still disappointed. I'm pretty sure that they'll get over it but with us moving in and not having rings on our fingers has definately put me on the naughty list. At least its not because I'm black, haha. That reason is getting older then black president jokes. Seriously though, I'm not the type of person that judges someone based on religion but, its stuff like this that makes me thankful that I decided a few years back not to actually commit to a "religion". I have my own beliefs but, imo religion is only as useful as a person makes it to be. So many guidelines and contradictions...it just makes my head dizzy. No thanks.

What I find strange too is that even Mrs. Ross knows that I'm moving in with my girl and she actually gave me no objections. In fact she actually listed some places that we could move to. Chris mentioned to me that its probably because I've had experience living outside her house...that and she knows when I make my mind on something I stick with it. Heh. It's going to be nice seeing her face again soon, no matter how nagging she can get sometimes.

Amy's already moved in. We're at Martin's Creek so anyone back home can hit me up once I get back. Going to be furninture shopping hopefully next month. Its going to be hectic since I start work back at FL, July 5th. Then I have to swear into my reserve unit as well. Not to mention sign up for classes at Trident and AMU. PLUS, I leave for Otakon July 15. Plus I have to have a new car before I leave of course. Its going to be quite a headrush next month. I can hardly wait.

BTW, if anyone has some spare furniture that isn't too beat up or violated let me know. I'll take anything but beds and couches. I'll violate those myself thank you.

Louise (my car) should be ready to drive across the US again soon. I just got the front window glass replaced after putting it on the burner for 3 years. Heh. Now all I have left to fix is the left, rear control arms, replace both struts for the rear, and replace the motormount near the AC. Pricey but better safe then sorry. Your practically getting a new car love at least inside wise.

Know what I'm getting? This baby:

In Honda I trust. And finally I can get a car with my fav color. And under 20,000. Huzzah. Although its going to feel weird having a car payment but, I'm pretty sure I can handle it.

All my stuff gets picked up by the moving service this Thursday. Coicidently which is also my b-day, also the only day I have off this week. Its nice to know that I actually have a home, MY HOME in fact to come to when I'm back. I'm looking forward to meeting my neighbors and letting them know that another brotha's in the neighborhood with a white chick shacked up. Their terrified faces always turn my frown upside down.

I think the only thing to do now is just patiently wait and watch the days drift by. So far, that hasn't been a problem. When I'm working time goes fast. When I'm not I'm just relaxing, and either planning or preoccupied with a movie or video game. I'm at a point in my life where I feel comfortable. Not too comfortable since I know karma is a bitch that likes to sneak behind you and grab you inapproriately but I know things happen for a reason.

Honestly...I've been praying every night to God, Jesus, whoever is up there making things turn on this merry go round. I just want everything to end up swell. Maybe not perfect but at least close. For me, her, and everyone I care about. Religion? Nah. Faith. Why not? Its my belief, my time, and I don't have to listen to someone telling me how no matter what I'm going to hell. Fudging sweett.
Comments: 1 Don't fear fate - Create your own destiny....

Sunday, March 29th, 2009

Time:1:43 am.
Mood: thankful.
I love falling in love. I think its the fall that really is the most addicting part. That feeling of meeting someone and your heart racing as you begin to grow closer and closer. The thrill of touching each other's hand, the first kiss that you share, and of course the excitement of what's to come the next day you see each other. I love that feeling.

What's even more special is when you can still get that feeling when you actually commit in a real relationship. It's natural that your not going to get that feeling as much as you had when you first met, but I think some of those same emotions should still be there. At least I would hope so.

In May, me and Amy will have been together for a year. For one, I never thought that I would ever be able to maintain a long-distance relationship. It's been hard being so far away from another person but, if anything distance really makes the heart grow fonder. We call each other pretty much everyday. And I can't wait until we see each other again. The last time I saw her is when she visited me after Christmas. Waking up next to someone who cares about you is a beautiful feeling. And of course the attraction factor is always a good thing. Sometimes we would go out into Sacramento and explore and other days we would stay in and make love all day. I feel older every day but, its crazy how someone can make you feel young again. Like your in high school again.

I don't think too much is going to change when I get back home this summer. Looking for apartments right now in Summerville to move in as soon as I get back. I'm planning on getting a 6 to 12 month lease and during that, I'm going to look for a home to buy. Thank you god for me being a veteran. I'm not the patriotic type, but I'm glad I did the military thing. It was an experience that not many people do and of course the benefits are out the ass. I'm doing Reserve so techinically I'm not leaving it fully but its just not going to encompass most of my time like serving Active Duty would. With me doing that, and of course working back at Food Lion doing my butcher job plus Amy working at Trident I think we can actually make this work.

I'm ready to settle down. Seriously. I don't see myself leaving South Carolina anytime soon and honestly, thats not a bad thing. I still want to visit some other places but after being so far away for a year now I've learned to be more grateful of what I have. People are always complaining how things could be better but, I think they forget it can be even worse. Take California for instance. This state is broke beyond belief. People can't even get their state tax returns until sometime during the winter. The whole country is suffering economically but damn. Even when I walk in the cities I see people wandering and asking for jobs. Couples living on the streets. Its...horrible. And I thank god, that I don't have to resort to such matters. That I'm not the one on the other end struggling.

Money is a big factor on my plans but, I've got faith that it will work out for me. Their's a future that I want to happen in the next 3 years. Graduating from college. Earning NCO rank. Getting my own house. Marriage life. Kids? Heh, maybe a lil bit down the road on the last part but, its on my mind. Like the warmth that flows through my veins all the way to my heart. This life...
Comments: 1 Don't fear fate - Create your own destiny....

Wednesday, September 17th, 2008

Subject:Passing It Along
Time:4:47 pm.
Mood: awake.
01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
02) What was your dream growing up?
03) What talent do you wish you had?
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
05) Favorite vegetable?
06) What was the last book you read?
07) What zodiac sign are you?
08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
09) Worst Habit?
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
11) What is your favorite sport?
12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
16) Do you have any pets?
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
18) What was your first impression of me?
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22) What color eyes do you have?
23) Ever been arrested?
24) Bottle or can soda?
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
27) What's your favorite place to hang out at?
28) Do you believe in ghosts?
29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30) Do you swear a lot?
31) Biggest pet peeve?
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
34) Favourite and least favourite food?
35) Do you believe in God?
36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
Comments: Create your own destiny....

Tuesday, August 12th, 2008

Subject:You need a heart? Go ahead . Take mine. Take everything I have.
Time:7:29 pm.
Mood: depressed.
You ever felt that everything with that someone your with is right? Absolutely, perfectly, right. Isn't it hard to just wake up from that dream state? I know it is for me.

I'm not stupid nor naive as most people may think. First of all, I know the feeling of being in love is as good as getting money on payday. You feel free. Unstoppable. Nothing can turn your day down because, you know or at least feel that at that moment, your thinking about someone else and that feeling of knowing their thinking about you too just makes your heart burst into little gummi worm puzzle pieces.

I also know that it doesen't last forever. Their's always a calming point, especially when you've gotten used to the person. It only returns if you leave that person's side for a noticeable time or something occurs that makes them come to mind in a missing fashion. But for the most part, its there burning inside you until you part with this person. Whether its temporary or permanent, that fire will always be there. It can be as small as a lighter flame or as huge as a flame thrower. As long as their's some sort of bond there, it will always burn.

This is how I feel right now. You can call me naive or lighthearted all you want but its true. I love this girl. Right now I feel like I'm choking. My chest hurts when I think about how far she is away from me. I miss everything about her. The reassuring smile. The giggle she gives whenever I speak sarcasm. The way her hands always found a way to cling to some part of my body, never leaving my side. The feeling of knowing that she wants me and no one else but me. The way her eyes looked at me when we were together in public and of course when we were alone...If I think about it too much, it makes me want to tear up.

I know, I know. We've only been dating for 5 months. Talking for 7. Any normal person, I guess would see that I should sit back and calm down a bit. But if you only knew how happy she makes me. It feels so nice to know that I didn't have to go through the struggle of trying to make her parents like me. Thats a point right there. I am from the south after all. They accept me for who I am and its been quite a while since someone over the age of 40 has done that. I'm almost tempted to call them family but I won't count my eggs before they hatch....yet....

Lovesick puppy I am. Absence does make the heart grow fonder though, of that I'm sure. Its hard to do anything else right now except sit in my room and think or read a book. I'll lay on my bed or recliner and close my eyes but I eventually dream of her or some weird dream related to home. Doesn't help reading a book since my current one is a romance. Vampire romance mind you but romance none the less. And when I do read, I have to stop and catch my breath so my heart doesn't carry my mind away with daydreams. I would go out and drive but my gas is low and I'm broke til Friday. *INSERT HEAVY SIGH HERE*

I need something that doesn't remind me of her or the happiness and companionship I had just a week ago. Otherwise I'm going to rip out my heart and put it in the freezer so I can chill out. No, not literally but damn I wish I could.

Maybe I'll look back at this entry in a few years and think I was foolish at the time. Maybe not. As torturous as this feeling is, I really wouldn't have it any other way. Its a pain I'm thankful for. Nobody wants to be lonely. I can at least say I have someone. Some people can't even say that.

*sigh* I think I'll try burying myself in some video games before I decide to pick up my book and start suffering again. Pain is pleasure. Pleasure is pain. End.
Comments: 2 Don't fear fate - Create your own destiny....

Sunday, September 16th, 2007

Subject:Things I've learned.
Time:7:32 am.
-That a lot of people who I don't know, strangely enough know me. My reputation precedes itself?

-That this generation of kids nowadays, are learning about sex earlier and earlier. Not a good thing imo, but I guess its 50/50 on some cases...

-That music speaks to me more then actual people do most of the time.

-That people think I'm going to get shipped to Iraq, which I'll never say never but, I don't think thats any excuse to make me feel bad for MY choice. I know what I've signed up for, I don't need someone who plays it by ear telling me what I've gotten myself into. I know the facts, I know what I'm facing. Fuck off.

-That its not so bad staying at home moreso then going out every night.

-Young love will only break your heart.

-No matter how a person says they've changed, they haven't. You can't help who you are, and that is fact. You can change yourself for a time, but deep inside you'll always be the same person. You'll be the same flawed individual you were meant to be inside.

-I want to write a graphic novel. Seriously. All I need is an artist, with a style I can appreciate it. Stay tuned.

-Books > People

-I'm a nerd. And I'm okay with that ^_^
Comments: 7 Don't fear fate - Create your own destiny....

Tuesday, September 11th, 2007

Subject:Is she really that crazy?
Time:1:31 am.
Mood: disappointed.
I am not a perfect person. I am not a perfect person. Iamnotaperfectperson....but I cannot help pointing out flaws in others.

I'm not saying that I look for something wrong in everyone I meet, but I know. I KNOW, that everyone has their imperfections, their habits, their excuses, their negatories.

I cant help but to think that every single girl/female that I know of has one or more trait that makes me not take them seriously or question what the hell they see in a guy like me. Is the crazy just attracted to me for whatever reason or am I just being paranoid? Can't I just meet someone that can hold a good conversation and realistically make me feel that they actually are listening to what I say, instead of running off at the mouth like a water fountain. I mean...I honestly do like listening to others but DAMN man...its like my 3 sentence piece against an essay of untangible drama, day to day issues, and hopeless future planning.

Maybe I'm just too much of an asshole to understand it. Or too uptight. Or too stupid. Or too *insert emo excuse here*...but whatever the case may be I definately question my company nowadays. I love all my friends. Just wish they had more traits I could fall in love with. But then again, thats why we're just friends of course.

I know I know!! I'll write a letter. A simple thesis on what I want in a girl. And maybe one day she'll look at it and consider calling me as an applicant.Yeah, I could be down with that for sure. Let's see:

Dear sane single woman who has beautiful eyes, long hair, a piercing smile, rosy cheeks, sarcasm and a love for random and intelligent humor, who has a good job, their own car, very independent, and also has an ok rack with a nice ass and shares a love for daydreaming, video games, books, long discussions, snuggling, being swept off their feet romantically, enjoys kissing, licking, and other actions involving tonuges and openings on the body and who might could see themselfs with a caramel colored baby in the distant future, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?! I've been waiting for like 21 years. If I don't get a call soon....I guess I'll be waiting some more. I'm not rushing. I'm just eagered to meet you...wherever you are.

Love always,

Comments: Create your own destiny....

Subject:Freaky Dream
Time:1:29 am.
Mood: anxious.
So last night I woke up around 230ish and didn't go back to sleep til 430. Anyways, for the next hour I slept in and out because I kept having nightmares.

I hardly remember anything in my dreams but this time I remembered as soon as I woke up from. Their were about 5 or 6. I wrote down what I heard and what I saw that I could remember from them. You can ignore this entry if you want, this is just a memory thing for me personally.

-I heard, "Out of the dark 10 shall rise". or maybe "Out of the dark ten shall rise".

-I kept seeing the date June 17.

-I was in the middle of a hurricane. I was riding in the back of a truck and I saw a luggage bag flying towards me. It had Krystal's name on it. I tried to grab it but I couldn't and it flew past me.

-I kept hearing "Turn around", and "The house shall fall".

.....creepy. Wonder what it all means?
Comments: 1 Don't fear fate - Create your own destiny....

Subject:Dilemmas and Decisions
Time:1:26 am.
Mood: determined.
Hm. Okay.

So around early July, while I was preparing for my yearly trip to Otakon, I was also getting ready for school this upcoming fall. I usually choose my classes and schedule, so on and so on. Come to find out, that I was not eligible for my Pell grant this year....which sucked because I'm so used to getting it. Apparently the government thinks I make too much money....puh if they only knew where I worked...

Anyways, basically what it boiled down to is that I'd have to pay the school 800 and something plus the amount for books...yeah. So I'm looking at about 1,000 something buckaroos. And come to think of it, I would have probably paid that or more come next semester and summer. As much as I hate going sometimes, I love learning. Me without schooling just doesn't click. I tried it half a year and it sucked because I felt like I was becoming dumber each day. I need to learn, I need education, end of story. I would have been finished with my associate's this summer...but thats ok because I went a second route.

I know everyone is going to freak but, I had originally planned on doing this right after I graduated high school. The only reason I didn't is because of friends and I wanted to try the college life, even if it was tech. As of right now, I am offically part of the United States Air Force. I took my physical last month, did the ASFAB and passed with flying colors. I'm sworn in and now I just have to wait until March or later.

I'm going to finish my schooling of course, but I also will be going in AF for Photography. Telephone communications was my second choice, and Pharmacutical was my third. I gotta be honest...I'm really excited. I get paid for going to school, I'm secured when it comes to health and medication and such, and I don't have to pay a dime. Plus I get to travel the world per se. Getting out of South Carolina is a must must.

Now I know what everybody's thinking. Iraq. First of all, the AF is the LAST line of defense when it comes to the US military. Even if I do somehow go over there, I won't be frontline or anything. I'll more then likely be in the control center...you know wayyyyy in the back telling other soldiers what to do.

I also find it funny that during basic training (which is 8 weeks, might be 10 by the time I go) I'll be getting paid the same thing I make here. BUT when I finish it, I get 1,000 something increase because of my 20 something college credits. Fudging sweet. See, with the AF their is no sign in bonus of any sort. Their's also a BIG waiting list, which is why I'm not leaving until March at the latest. Too bad I didn't join the army. They get a nice sign on bonus check for 40,000 plus a FREE trip to Iraq. Lucky bastards.

So yeah. If you know me or wanna get together before I leave this shithole state, holla at me. I really feel like I'm growing up and going forward with my life as an adult now. Feels
Comments: Create your own destiny....

Sunday, August 26th, 2007

Subject:So the story goes....
Time:11:57 pm.
Mood: blah.
So a lot of shit has happened in past month or so. I've got a lot of explaining to do.

After I turned 21 this year, my foster mom didn't get a check from the government anymore. She wanted to charge me rent and I thought sure as long as it was fair. 300 dollars was the charge but the price for it wasn't really worth it imo. I had a midnight curfew, I couldn't bring anybody over, and other bulshit rules were put in place. Basically, after a morning standoff on it, I decided quite hastily that I was leaving immediately.

It took about 3 to 4 days but I packed my shit and moved it to various friends house who didn't mind holding onto it for a while. I carried a suitcase full of my work clothes and several outfits as well as the usual grooming utensils and such. Their were some nights I stayed with friends, some nights I slept in my car. Basically sucky for a good three and a half weeks.

At first I kept my eyes on an apartment but then after another decision that I will explain later, I decided that it would be best I'd find a room to rent. I was able to find one about a week and a half ago. I saw an ad on craigslist.com, called the number, left a message, and 20 mins later got a call back and a meetup on the same day.

Its more or less a duplex and rather new. Only one person has stayed in this room. I almost took it the same day me and John looked at it but I decided to be patient....until the next day when I was notified that someone else wanted it and I had first dibs. THEN I bought it. Heh.

My roomates are cool as shit as well. Chris who is the son of the houseowners reminds me of a very cool hippie. He works at Olive Garden so hes not here during the day most of the time. Jay is pretty quiet and keeps to himself. Loves video game though for real. Dude spends so many days behind the tv screen...its crazy. Hes a manager at Office Depot. Once again I usually have the house to myself which is not a bad thing at all. <3 the solitude.

I just finished fixing up my room about 2 days ago. Only thing I need now is a bookcase to put all my dvds on. I'll be getting that later this week. Rent is affordable and so totally worth it since this house is rather new. We have a washer/dryer, nice kitchen, patio, and even a lake right behind my house. I love it. Utilities are fine and of course I have the net. Not really caring about cable seeing as how I haven't been watching much tv as of late and most of the shows that I do watch this fall is on regular tv.

It just feels nice to FINALLY have a home that is truly my own ya know. If you guys ever want to visit just let me know and I'll give ya directions and shit. Did I mention I finally have car insurance under my name as well. I was worried it would be too much but nada. I got Progresssive online and it was click click boom just like that.

I've got other things to tell but I'll save it for sometime whenever this week. I've gotta hit the hay because of work tommorrow. Laters.
Comments: Create your own destiny....

Saturday, July 7th, 2007

Subject:Guess who's coming to Otakon 2007
Time:6:10 pm.
Mood: amused.
Just spreading the news but, Maki Murakami will be at Otakon this year. This is sweet for me because I will be cosplaying as Ryuichi again and god oh god I hope she takes autographs. ^___^

Comments: 2 Don't fear fate - Create your own destiny....

Tuesday, June 5th, 2007

Subject:Best Friends Part 2
Time:7:45 pm.
Mood: contemplative.
Where was I? Oh yeah.

Back in middle school I met Aaron. He was a short kid with a squeky voice but, his drawings were always very impressive. We were in the same Art class. So we started hanging out. We were very big fans of Dragonball Z. If you asked me how many drawings we did of those Super Saiyans I honestly could not tell you. I saw Aaron as the little brother I hadn't had yet. Its strange to me ya know. We've grown up so much. I don't really see Aaron as much as I used to and although he's still the same guy outside, a lot of things have changed. Some I think are good, the others not so much but, thats apart of growning up. He's his own man now which is awesome and all but sometimes I miss the simpler times. Not to sound depressing but, I think people meet only to part in the end.

Strangely enough, I also met John in the same Art class. We really did start out as a trio. Only thing is, while Aaron and I would hang together after class, John would hang out with the black guy basketball clique. Not my thing since they thought I was a dork anyway. It wasn't until High School that me and John started to hang out. We also went to the same church back then too. Talking about video games, music, anime, and girls was a regular for us and nothing has really changed about that. John is one of those few people that I can say is my nigga. If we were good cop/bad cop John would be the one telling the suspect to confess before I pour hot coffee down his pants. Nowadays however, I'm beginning to see a lot of very vivid differences when it comes to life goals and the future. The last thing I want to see is my main man struggle through life. I just hope down the line, he can get his priorities straight because I can try and do all I can to help but, the whether he actually suceeds or not is his choice and his choice alone. Still, thats my nigga.

Heh. I knew Krystal through middle school. She would always be that one girl I would pass by and smile but never say anything too. I didn't get to talk to her until one day at high school. My class had gone to the library for some kind of project and one of my classmates, named Derek called me over to one of the tables. He was talking to his cousin who just happened to be Krystal. I remember saying some kind of smart ass joke that I didn't think any one of them would get but she got it automatically and we both laughed with Derek being confused. So we talked a bit and I think I was more surprised then anything on how she directed herself. She was quiet on the outside but in that mind of hers she was as smart as a whip. And she had a sense of humor which is never a bad thing. After that, I saw her through the halls once again but we didn't talk again til senior year.

As I got to know her, I learned that she was way different then all the other black chicks I had met throughout school. Not to file her under "black chicks" but realistically she wasn't ghetto. It was nice to actually talk to someone from the opposite sex that was my ethnic and I didn't have to worry about correct pronouciation and attitude problems. Yes. Although I did not mean for it to happen and I wasn't attracted to her at the time its the little things like that, that make me realize how and why I fell in love with her at one time.

Maybe I'm just the naive dreamer but, I value friendships a lot. The big ones are important because you know you can share a part of yourself you don't usually share with other people. The little ones are great too because their's always the joy of watching them grow into something more meaningful. For what its worth, I love all my friends no matter how much we talk, hangout, how far we are apart, or if we only remember each other every so often. I think the bonds we have with people is stronger then we think it is. Hopefully my bonds can spread not only in this state but all over the world. There are so many people to meet. I think I've got a lot to look forward to. Its gonna rock.
Comments: 1 Don't fear fate - Create your own destiny....

Tuesday, May 1st, 2007

Subject:Best Friends Part 1
Time:8:39 pm.
Mood: amused.
Am I the only one that found that term to be precious? I learned that their were friends and then there were BEST friends. The closest people not related to you that seem to know everything and everything about you. I think I have Barney to thank for the definitions.

Anyway, in elementary school I remember interacting with a lot of the kids. Specifially white. I think I migrated to them because they didn't really judge me or call my names of any sort. While riding on the bus, I met this kid by the name of Robert. Me and Robert always set beside each other and we always had the coolest shit to talk about. Playing kickball in P.E., Power Rangers eps that showed every Saturday, The Simpsons, anything that was cool back then.

(Its funny Lori, how Steven and Shane have changed. Shit, when we were smaller I remember Steven was kinda quiet but was always easy to talk to. Shane was more excitable and both of them had a high pitched voice like me. Actually...I have pics but I'll only bring them one day if ya ask.) XP

I remember that during our January 4 day break, for MLK day I decided to make a gift for Rob since I really thought he was the coolest friend. I got some white cardboard, and drew or cut out pictures to paste on them. Then, I folded the cardboard in strips to make mini-fans. I was pretty proud of myself. I gave them to Rob the next day on the bus and he just laughed at me. He thought they were silly. I was pretty upset about that...afterwards we didn't talk that much.

4th and 5th grade was a new school and I met some new people as well. Honestly, I don't remember having a BEST friend back then. I think I just had a LOT of friends. I know me and Steven talked a lot even though we were in different classes but we had the same recess strangely enough.

Middle school. In middle school I was still very quiet and would only talk if you talked to me. Thats when I met Will. Will was the class clown and one day he asked for a pencil. I automatically did not want to get involved with him because in my eyes, he was the "bad kid". Still, I helped him and soon enough he started talking to me. Tv and video games were similar interests that we both shared. He was also one of the few kids I knew that got a Nintendo 64 the first day it came out. I was surprised. I guess Will was the first "rich kid" I met because after we talked all week he invited me to spend the night at his house.

I remember being so shocked walking into his house and seeing all his toys and stuff. Soon after that, you couldn't keep us apart. Sorta. Will was apart of the main white kid clique. The ones that always had different girlfriends, and knew just enough about sex to keep them in the cool factor. I on the other hand hung out either by myself or the "geeks". My "geek" friend was a boy by the name of Matt. He was my first agreeable friend. I would talk, he would listen and nod his head. In fact, that was also the first time that I actually had two bf's. We hung out as a trio on occasions but Will thought Matt was stupid so it didn't happened too often infront of his friends.

Near the end of middle school, Will changed schools after being kicked out. I was in my own clique of geeks. It was me, Jacob who was a smart white kid that kicked a lot of ass in math, TJ a big muscler white kid who was 2 years older then us AND who also thought of himself as a vampire (my first experience with goth), and a skinny white chick by the name of Susie. Near the end of the year, we even got a new kid to our clique by the name of Sarah. Shit, all through 8th grade we hung together. I hung out with Susie long enough that we even dated for a while. Even though we were all outcasts we were together. We had a few make fun of us but no one dared touch us with TJ being there. Crazy stuff man.

Also during my last year of middle, I met Aaron, John, and Krystal. And now I just realized that I'm going to have to finish this later. Sorry, didn't realize how long this would be. ^_^
Comments: 11 Don't fear fate - Create your own destiny....

Monday, April 30th, 2007

Subject:Ice Cream
Time:9:20 am.
Mood: contemplative.
The first time I remember eating ice cream was when I was 6 or 7. My grandma bought one of those buckets of Nepolitan or whatever you call it. It was like a buck-twentyfive back then and I remember eating all of the chocolate, some of the strawberry, and never ever touching the vanilla. Heh.

I never really cared for ice cream sandwhiches. They just taste so nasty to me. However, back when I stayed in Givhans their were only two gas stations and they were a good 10 miles from my house. One of them had this sandwhich that had chocolate chips in it. It was SO good...I used to go there every Sunday after church just to get two of those things. Mmm. I wonder if they still make them?

Variety was never really noticed by me until age 12. I was riding with my aunt to get some groceries, and we stopped at this gas station in Jedberg. I was hungry so she told me I could get anything I wanted. I looked in the ice cream section and noticed they had some Ben and Jerry Choc Chip Cookie Dough. Around the holidays, my grandma would buy the Pillsbury festive cookies. Although she wouldn't be able to cook much because I would eat the dough. Sweet uncooked goodness.

Anyway, I figured what the hell, it can't be that bad. Let me tell you something. When I got home and tryed it, I ate it all in one sitting. I couldn't help myself, it was that good. After that I made it a point to always have a money to buy that certain ice cream.

Now I've tried different kinds. Don't too much care for generic brands. Pet is okay with me but not my favorite. Mayfield is kinda overated in my opinion. Edy's is alright but it just tastes weird to me. Breyers I like because of their crazy variety. Who in their right mind would make a Spongebob Squarepants and Dora the Explorer ice cream....granted their really good tasting ice cream and I'm not even a fan of the shows. And of course I will always love Ben and Jerry. Those two hippies know how to make something sweet, definately.

Snackwise, I love Snicker bars. I think I have John to thank for that since he always buys a box of them during the summer. The Chocolate Eclair, and Strawberry Shortcake bars are also a classic fave of mine. Shit, I remember when they first premiered in 94. I got one after my graduation ceremony from 4th grade. Nothing like a choco boost after standing infront of millions of adults you don't know.

Favorites? Choc. Chip Cookie Dough is always number 1 in my book. The Oreo ice cream is a good second. Followed by the Reese's ice cream. Then finish it off with French Vanilla. Melts in my mouth and not in my hand....hopefully. Then I just have sticky hands...and that would suck.
Comments: 6 Don't fear fate - Create your own destiny....

Sunday, April 29th, 2007

Subject:The truth of the matter.
Time:12:03 am.
Mood: determined.
I love journaling, blogging, whatever you call it I love it. I tell myself that I love to write about my life and whatnot so I can always remember everything thats happened for good and bad. But I don't think thats the whole truth of the matter.

I think, no scratch that I KNOW that one of the reasons I still have this LJ account or Myspace blog is because I want to be noticed. I want the attention. I'm eagered to know what someone else thinks whether it be friend, foe, or complete stranger. Its addicting isn't it? That attention status...that part where you realize that someone out there is actually interested in your meaningless life. Oh how vain we humans really are huh? Well I'm not going to deny it anymore.

I'm going to bare it all. I know its nothing that hasn't been done before but, I think I'm going to start being a lot more honest about my thoughts even the small minor ones like a random thought that comes into play while I sleep or the BIG private matters like sex or who I want to kill in their sleep. When it comes to those entries I'll lj-cut or give a warning before hand since I know some people just don't want to know or read any of that stuff. Also when I'm mentioning certain people I'll try not to mention names in order to protect their privacy and whatnot. I'm not trying to talk shit, I'm just being honest with my feelings.

Of course I'll still have all the geeky stuff I usually mention as well. I was considering making another journal for my fandoms but I'm just too lazy and I want to see how far I can get with this. If it becomes a problem or is just not enough to warrent some interest then I'll make another journal.

I know that my friends or going to be reading this shit and I can only hope that you guys don't judge me too harshly. Be honest but don't label me as the bad guy. I'm flawed, imperfect, and fickle. Only human and I still haven't mastered the whole walk on water thing, and I'm too scared to try the bleed myself to death, die, and resurrect spell thing right now. Maybe when I'm 30...

Anyways, thanks for your time. You get a special thank you if you actually spent the time to read this through. *insert hugs and/or daps here*

Comments: 1 Don't fear fate - Create your own destiny....

Sunday, March 25th, 2007

Time:1:03 am.
Mood: blah.
So in case you don't know, I'm on the singles market again. I could go into some real fucking detail but, all you really need to know is that it didn't work out the way we planned.

2 years. Man, I cannot believe that I was with her for that long. Seeing as how my last longest record was 3 months its amazing to see the jump. But of course I'm a lot older and wiser then I was began. I find it funny how all these middle and high school kids can said the word I love you to someone they decide to "court" for the time being. Man, when you get older and start having some real, real relationships, you'll want to use those words sparingly. Heh. And the memories. God bless the memories, that I love and hate and please please don't let me foreget them.

You know what I really miss though. My friend. She's such a good listener and I miss being able to talk on the phone and just vent completely and know that with the few words she said, she actually had a lot of consideration. But of course we all know, things are never really the same after going through something like that. I just hope in the end, I don't lose that friendship. That would be..very hard on me.

I guess this past week I went through 2 deaths. Now I just have to move forward. First steps are always the hardest, and walking back is always an urge but in the end I've got no regrets. I can take it as a big learning experience and maybe one day things will go back the way they used to but, until then I'm going to keep walking this road and learn more on my journey.
Comments: Create your own destiny....

Time:12:43 am.
Mood: blah.
*sigh* So, my great grandmother's funeral was this past Monday. It was really really sad. I shed tears the whole time. I actually wanted to speak but I know if I did that would have been it. I would have broken down in front of everyone and I felt that since I'm one of the few members of the family that is/has actually done something in their lives I didn't think it would be a smart move on our part as a whole.

No....thats a lie. I guess I simply didn't want anyone to see me cry. Anyway, before and after the funeral was totally bogus. I had family members who hadn't seen my face nor care to ask come up to me like we were fucking brothers or some shit. Smiling in my face like everything is ok. Like I won't remember the past. Fuckers. Liars, Cheaters, and Stealers to me and I'm supposed to pretend I'm happy to see your face. It made me sick throughout the wake and after the funeral was over I left immediately. No goodbyes or anything. That and I didn't want to see the burial. Yeah.

Although one good part came out of all this. I got to meet up with my first cousin, Tiffany. Man, I haven't seen her in like forever. We used to play a lot when I was younger. She' about 2 years younger then me but whenever she came over, hide n seek was the shit. Anyways, I got her celly and talked to her for a good 4 hours about the past, present, how shits fucked up with the fam and a bunch of other stuff. Man, how the times have changed.

I have to say this has been a pretty hard week. I mean rough. I'm just glad its over. Now the only funeral I'm looking forward to is my mother's. How wonderful a day that will be.
Comments: Create your own destiny....

Wednesday, March 14th, 2007

Subject:...is gone.
Time:8:19 am.
Mood: sad.
I just found out last night, that my great grandmother of 89 years old passed away the night before. Its hard to believe but I guess I should have known that it would come. Two weeks ago she had a light stroke and when I visited her last week she could hardly speak even though she knew I was there.

The last thing I told her was I love you and I'll se ya Friday. But I never got the chance to go back Friday. And now she's gone. I feel...pretty bad. I feel like I could have been beside her side more especially these past few months. Yeah I know I was living and "enjoying" life but still...

I remember when I was little and I would always surprise her and jump in her lap with joy. She was blind so she could feel how tall I was and how fast I was growing. She always had a smile on her face when I was there. And she spoiled me many times over when she could.

Today, I'll be going back "home" to meet with the fam. I know everybody's pretty down by this but, it pisses me off that the only one that wants to get in contact with me is my Uncle Bobby who is considered the black sheep of the family. Guess we got something in common.

Granny. Arabelle. I love you. I miss you. And maybe one day I'll see you soon.

Your great grandson,

Earl Michael Simmons
Comments: 2 Don't fear fate - Create your own destiny....

Monday, March 12th, 2007

Subject:I took it cause it was stolen
Time:7:34 pm.
Mood: amused.
YOU'RE ON MY FRIENDS LIST, I WANNA KNOW YOU... I want to know 34 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, never liked each other, or if we already know everything about each other.

1. Can you cook?
2. What was your dream growing up?
3. What talent do you wish you had?
4. Favorite place?
5. Favorite vegetable?
6. What was the last book you read?
7. What zodiac sign are you?
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
9. Worst Habit?
10. Do we know each other outside of Livejournal?
11. What is your favorite sport?
12. Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15. Tell me one weird fact about you.
16. Do you have any pets?
17. Do you know how to do the Macarena?
18. What time is it where you are now?
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21. Would you be my partner in crime or my conscience?
22. What color eyes do you have?
23. Ever been arrested?
24. Bottle or Draft?
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?
27. What's your favorite bar to hang at?
28. Do you believe in ghosts?
29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30. Do you swear a lot?
31. Biggest pet peeve?
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33. In one word, how would you describe me?
34. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
Comments: 2 Don't fear fate - Create your own destiny....

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